Confessions
by winterfirestorm
Summary: Tony tells Carol about his inner demons after his encounter with Angelica.


**Confessions**

Author - Preciouslilme

Rating - G

Keywords - Tony/Carol

Category - Angst/Romance

Spoilers - The Mermaids Singing

Disclaimer - They belong to Val McDermid, not me, I just take them out to play.

Summary - Tony tells Carol about his inner demons.

Author's Notes - Thanks to everyone who commented on my first fic, I'm glad you liked it! This one is more than just their thoughts, so I hope I kept them in character for you. Enjoy!

Carol was running on her treadmill in her bedroom. Michael had suggested that she get one, saying it beat the hell out of running the freezing streets in winter. He'd been right. But the cold weather hadn't stopped her feeling the slick of perspiration gathering on her forehead. Carol sighed. Usually running cleared her head, but not tonight. She had spent the day with Tony, catching yet another psychopath. This time though Carol had felt a sort of sympathy for her. The woman had been led on by men all her life, making her feel as if she loved them, but all they wanted was the sex, and someone who they were so utterly in control of. It had made Carol question of her relationships with men, not that there had ever been that many, despite her good looks and intelligence. It made her once again go over the fact that they had all wanted her to be something she wasn't, to be the girlfriend they came home to. She wasn't that girl.

Carol played with the settings of the treadmill, making it go faster. And Tony. Tony hadn't made the case any easier. He came so close to her when they were alone, at times making it seem like he would even kiss her, but just as she though maybe they would finally break the barrier they would go back to the case. She didn't know how much more of this she could take. He never seemed to leave her thoughts anymore. She made the treadmill go even faster, until she was almost sprinting. Sweat trickled down her face, and her hair began to dampen and stick to her face, but she didn't care. She just needed to get him out of her head. He had made it extremely obvious when they first met that he was not interested, and not had made any hint that anything had changed. That should be enough.

"Carol?"

At first she thought she had imagined it, imagined his voice calling to her.

"Carol?"

It hadn't been her imagination. She slammed her hand on the stop button as she saw Tony in the doorway. She jumped off and stood in front of her bed side table, trying to make it seem natural, when in actual fact she was attempting to hide a picture that was sitting there, of her and Tony, at a Christmas party at the station the month before. It was in vain though, as he had already seen in it.

"How did you get in?"

"The door was open and I saw the light on inside. I hope you don't mind. I did knock, but you must not've heard."

"I don't mind, you just gave me a fright. I wasn't expecting anyone."

"I would've called, but I thought I might surprise you. I heard you say earlier that you were going to be alone, and I didn't see the point of us both sitting at home alone, when we could be together."

He gave Carol a small smile, that she mirrored as a feeling inside her jumped for joy.

"Do you mind if I have a quick shower? I feel disgusting."

"Go ahead. Do you want a coffee?"

"I'd love one. The stuff's on the bench."

As he left Carol rushed over to her wardrobe. She decided on her black trousers and fitted white t-shirt, not too casual, or smart compared to Tony's suit trousers and shirt rolled up past his elbows, and opened to the second button. He always had hated wearing the suits that his line of work had forced him into.

Carol sat on her couch with her legs curled up beneath her, cradling her cup of coffee. Tony sat close enough for all her senses to become very alert.

"So to what do I owe this pleasure?" she asked.

"I didn't want to face the drive home to an empty house just yet."

"You should get a cat." she said as Nelson walked by.

Tony nodded in agreement. They were both silent for a moment, until Carol knew exactly what she wanted to talk about.

"Tell me." she said suddenly.

"Tell you what?"

"Everything. I'm sick of the barrier that's always between us, the same one that you put between you and everyone else. Tell me what you're hiding from."

Tony met her eyes in a look so intense it took all of Carol's willpower not to look away.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I want to be able to tell you, to tell someone, but I don't want to see the look of repulsion on your face when I do."

"You could never repulse me Tony."

"You'd be surprised." he said, turning away. Carol reached over to him, placing her hand over his. I want to share your past with you, I'm asking to be able to listen to you, like you've listened to everyone else. Even if it's just a bit about your childhood, anything."

"Okay," Tony consented, going on to tell her briefly the situation of his family, of his being brought up by a grandmother who treated him like a burden after his mother hadn't cared enough to look after him. Carol felt his hand tense under hers as he spoke of the lack of affection of the two women.

"I'll never do that to you," she said in a near whisper, "I'll never just leave you."

"Everyone always does something to hurt someone close to them Carol."

"Not always. Not if they are honest with each other."

"Is that your way of trying to get me to tell you more?" he said, giving her a weak smile.

"Not at all."

"You're easy to talk to you know. Attentive, without being threatening. You'd make a good psychologist."

"So talk to me."

"Remember Angelica?"

"How could I forget?"

"Out of all the things she did, do you know what got to me the most?"

Carol shook her head.

"When she kissed me. It was as if she had got me. It was as if she had got inside me, trying to rub all her evils onto me, trying to get me to forgive her, as if I had that power. It feels like I'll never truly get her out of me."

Without thinking, Carol lent forward brushing her lips with his in a gentle kiss.

"Could I ever get rid of her?" she asked, remaining close to him.

"It'll take more than one kiss, but I think we could."

Carol reached out and stroked his cheek with her hand. After all that Tony had seen, and fought against, he still seemed very helpless at times. She made a promise with herself that she would help him through it, help him rid himself of the memories that still haunted him, allowing him to finally love her as much as he cared for her.


End file.
